Dem 51
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Can You Identify the Woke Movie?, Part III: The First Five

We were going to unveil the whole list at once, but it turns out to be a lot of words, especially on a day that begins with 4,000 words about Donald Trump's legal woes. So, we're going to split it. Since a split of eight and seven (or seven and eight) drives the ADD part of our minds nuts, we'll do three sets of five. Here's the first of those:

Matchup 1 (Inspired by Toys): Transformers: Dark of the Moon vs. Barbie

Reader Guesses

J.M.R. in Muncie, IN: I picked Barbie for this one because we spent some time with conservative family members this summer and they are pissed off about this movie. They couldn't say exactly why, other than, "It's not for kids." This follows a pattern in which one or more conservative relatives are angry at or about something, can't quite articulate why, and I later find out some conservative source of information—e.g., Tucker, Hannity, e-mail forwards, scammy alt-right social media, etc.—have been harping on the media, event, person, whatever.

J.E. in Gilbertsville, PA: I know the answer to Question 1 is Barbie. My girls saw that movie in theaters recently and came home disgusted by how "the whole plot was basically just about feminism." And their disgust says a lot about how over-the-top the feminism must have been: My girls are both feisty feminists!

The Answer

Barbie (Woke): "A feminist, misandrist and pro-transgender and gender division agenda movie (with also Ken(s) as the villain(s) and a biological man portraying Doctor Barbie) directed by liberal and misa-feminist Greta Gerwig."

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (Conservative): "The film has an implicit denouncement of illegal immigration, due to the main villain, Sentinel Prime, tricking the protagonists into allowing for more Transformers to take over Earth as well as forcing them to recreate Cybertron."

96.5% of readers got this one right.

Matchup 2 (Disney): Beauty and the Beast (2017 remake) vs. The Lion King

Reader Guesses

G.K. in Blue Island, IL: Personally, I think The Lion King is more of a "message" movie, but I went with the other because I'm sure they'd blow a gasket over LeFou being more outwardly gay than "flamboyant."

D.E. in Lancaster, PA: I'm pretty sure I've got this one. Republicans hate all remakes, especially remakes by the Evil Disney. The Lion King was made before they were told to hate everything Disney, plus the African and the environmental subtext to the film goes right past them. The hatred for Beauty and the Beast goes beyond their dislike of remakes to an overly empowered Belle, but most because of a brief "gay moment" in the film where LeFou is seen to dance with one of Gaston's minions! Grab the smelling salts, Miss Lindsey has fainted again.

The Answer

Beauty and the Beast (2017 remake) (Woke): "Not only is it an atrocious and needless artistic decision of the filmmakers to needlessly incorporate diversity simply for the sake of it, but the 2017 film version of Beauty and the Beast also serves as an example that liberals can legitimately shoehorn the homosexual agenda into Disney films."

The Lion King (Conservative): "[C]ontains the same messages as the original film, from faith and heroism to honoring one's father."

79.4% of readers got this one right.

Matchup 3 (World War II): Das Boot vs. Casablanca

Reader Guesses

R.D. in San Diego, CA: Casablanca called Nazis bad, Das Boot starred them and showed them being heroic. Clearly, Casablanca is woke.

C.R. in Vancouver, BC, Canada: To be honest, I don't see anything "woke" about either of these films. But I am guessing that Casablanca's attempt to discourage American isolationism, encourage international cooperation, and its sympathetic portrayal of refugees may not have impressed this particular conservative reviewer.

The Answer

Das Boot (Woke): "This anti-American war film looks at World War II from the Nazi perspective."

Casablanca (Conservative): "The triumph in the film of fidelity over promiscuity is a strongly conservative theme, and this movie portrays marriage, love, and fighting for freedom in a compelling way. This film glorifies self-sacrifice for greater good and promotes doing what's right even at expense to oneself (Rick, as played by Humphrey Bogart). Vichy France and Nazis are disparaged. The actors and actresses on the set of the filming conducted themselves admirably off-camera, in contrast with other films, and even played chess during breaks and in a filmed scene."

46.5% of readers got this one right.

Matchup 4 (Post-WWII American Conflicts): Born on the Fourth of July vs. Argo

Reader Guesses

A.M.S. in Silverdale, WA: You would think Born on the Fourth of July would be conservative from the title, but no! Woke! The film starts off okay with manly military war and stuff, but then turns into some kind of woke dissertation on turning an American soldier into a country-hating woke hippie.

K.C. in St. Augustine, DeSantisWorld (where woke AND presidential aspirations go to die): In Argo, Americans are taken hostage in Iran. A few escape the embassy and hide. An audacious plot is hatched to bring them home and outthink the Iranians. It's as American as apple pie, and it's based on actual events. Love the truth. The problem? Canadians provide shelter for the Americans. What? No, no, no. We're Americans. We don't need help, especially from a country that can't decide which language to speak. Maybe we're building the wall on the wrong border.

The Answer

Born on the Fourth of July (Woke): "This radically anti-Vietnam War biographical film was produced and directed by Communist sympathizer and twice wounded Vietnam War veteran Oliver Stone, starring Tom Cruise as paralyzed Vietnam War vet-turned-anti-Vietnam War leftist protester and Communist sympathizer Ron Kovic."

Argo (Conservative): "The film highlights how inherently corrupt an Islam-based government can be as well as the incompetence of the Jimmy Carter administration in dealing with the hostage crisis."

52% of readers got this one right.

Matchup 5 (Starring Tom Hanks): The Da Vinci Code vs. Forrest Gump

Reader Guesses

A.R. in Los Angeles, CA: The only reason I picked The Da Vinci Code is in one episode of The Office, ultra-Christian Angela talks about burning it, so it must be offensive for some reason.

L.S. in Richland, WA: One way of determining which is the most woke might be to pick the movie that has the best critical reputation. If a film was immensely popular despite receiving a poor reception among the critics (The Da Vinci Code, for instance) then the other movie must be the Woke one, mustn't it? If wokeism is akin to elitism, anyway.

The Answer

The Da Vinci Code (Woke): "Based on the book of the same name, this mystery film supports the false theory that Jesus Christ married Mary Magdalene, pushing feminism and attacking Christianity along the way."

Forrest Gump (Conservative): "The film shows how the 'counterculture' movements of the 1960s and 1970s, as well as drugs, lead to a miserable life... a main message is that Lyndon B. Johnson was largely responsible for the Vietnam War, not Richard Nixon as most liberals like George Lucas tend to think."

43.2% of readers got this one right.

The next five will be up on Thursday! (Z)

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