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Can You Identify the Woke Movie?, Part IV: The Middle Five

We are in the home stretch. Five more movies today, and then tomorrow will be the last five as well as the results. We'll also name the website that inspired this exercise tomorrow, though you could figure that out for yourself, if you really wanted, with a properly executed Google search.

Matchup 6 (Black Protagonists): Django Unchained vs. Black Panther

Reader Guesses

E.B. in Seattle, WA: Django Unchained shows how Black men could learn valuable fighting skills under slavery, so it's definitely not woke.

R.D. in San Diego, CA: Easy one—Black Panther (woke) showed a thriving Black culture that didn't need the white man to paternalistically save them. Django shows a violent gunslinger getting revenge.

The Answer

Django Unchained (Woke): "Quentin Tarantino's Western gratuitously uses graphic violence and the n-word."

Black Panther (Conservative): "Black Panther recognizes both the importance of helping those in need, as well as not going beyond one's governmental authority. Though there are plenty of pagan religious references, the film appeals in some ways to a general sense of Christian morality and governmental justice, and it never diverts into political correctness about black supremacism."

75.3% of readers got this one right.

Matchup 7 (Westerns): High Noon vs. Blazing Saddles

Reader Guesses

K.C. in St. Augustine, FL: No one can understand retiring marshal Gary Cooper as he unheroically mumbles for help against the gang that's coming to kill him. When they do understand, they don't help. John Wayne, with both eyes poked out using a plastic spork and an unsharpened #2 pencil, would've taken out the bad guys faster that you could say, "House of Un-American Activities Committee." Ah, the good ol' days. WOKE.

R.G. in Washington, DC: I voted for one of my all time favorite movies, Blazing Saddles, as the "woke" movie in that pairing mostly because I would hate to think that it is on the "great conservative movies" list. Also there's the interracial sex scene and a gay men's choir which make me think it will be considered woke. Secretly though, I really want it to be on the great conservative movie list because it would be a testament to the satirical masterpiece that film truly is.

The Answer

High Noon (Woke): "John Wayne said it was 'the most un-American thing I've ever seen in my whole life'; though susceptible of various interpretations, most of all it seems to scare people into wanting more government."

Blazing Saddles (Conservative): "A politically incorrect western, something liberals are sure to despise."

20.5% of readers got this one right.

Matchup 8 (Directed by Mel Gibson): The Passion of the Christ vs. Braveheart

Reader Guesses

J.R.B. in New York City, NY: At first, I was like, "Huh? How could either of these be 'woke'?" The real Jesus would be woke (no quote marks needed), but Passion of the Christ is practically porn for the Conservative Christian Collective.

So why would Braveheart be "woke"? Well it did win a Best Picture Oscar from those evil, "woke" Hollywood heathens. And even though it was not well regarded by the LGBTQ+ community in how it was represented and what happens, there is a gay couple in the film. And people might think that plot point sympathetic or compassionate despite homophobic cheers at screenings. And sympathy/compassion is only for weak, "woke" wussies.

A.M.S. in Silverdale, WA: Passion of the Christ? Woke, duh! No one turns the other cheek anymore. If Jesus had his Second Amendment right to personal protection like we do nowadays, none of it would have happened.

The Answer

The Passion of the Christ (Woke): "Downplays the Resurrection and strength of Christianity and omits powerful angels; instead exaggerates triumph of evil; film had little lasting effect on public or its producer; portrayed nails as through the hands rather than through the wrists as depicted by the Shroud of Turin and confirmed by modern science."

Braveheart (Conservative): "[C]ontains strong messages of patriotism and even some Christian allegories that stand the test of time (indeed, [William] Wallace's sacrifice should remind viewers of the most significant event in Christian history)."

23.6% of readers got this one right.

Matchup 9 (Urban Corruption): Chinatown vs. Robocop

Reader Guesses

A.A. in South Orange, NJ: Chinatown, with its corrupt real estate developers? Sounds like Presidential material! Not woke.

D.E. in Lancaster, PA: First off I can't believe I'm comparing the two. RoboCop is basically a dark, ultraviolent good vs evil "super hero" type film with a murdered cop as the hero, everything a Republican can love (except if the cop was guarding the U.S. Capitol, then he would deserve his gory dismemberment for keeping Fearless Leader from a second term). As an added bonus, Robocop shows the evil crime ridden and decadent city of Detroit, home to hordes of commie-loving libtards like Michael Moore. Clearly not woke.

On the other hand, Chinatown is a masterpiece of the cinema with incredibly complex characters and shifting shades of living. I'll say again, Republicans don't do complex and subtle. But probably the biggest sign of an overabundance of wokeness is that it is directed by the Antichrist of Hollywood, Roman Polanski. There's no way a self-respecting Rightie is going to watch "any of that filth by that pedophile Polanski." BTW, yes, Polanski as a person is extremely problematic but his films are incredible. Again subtlety and realizing that not everything is black and white are not the far right's strong suit.

The Answer

Robocop (Woke): "Left-wing smut-peddler Paul Verhoeven's failed attempt to depict all police forces and corporations as evil. It also contains an environmentalist message with the '6000 SUX,' a car that pollutes and guzzles gas for no other reason than to be environmentally unfriendly."

Chinatown (Conservative): "[D]oesn't adhere to political correctness because the main protagonist is told a dirty joke at one point and later tells it to his fellow private detectives, who use the term 'Chinaman.'"

34.8% of readers got this one right.

Matchup 10 (Presidents): Frost/Nixon vs. Lincoln

Reader Guesses

J.M.R. in Muncie, IN: Well, at the end of Lincoln, Thaddeus Stevens is revealed to be in a relationship with a Black woman. So I reckon that is the woke film.

C.R. in Vancouver, BC, Canada: Frost/Nixon portrays an economically conservative Republican president in a relatively poor light. Lincoln portrays Abraham Lincoln, also a Republican president, as an intelligent politician who knew how to work the system to achieve a primary policy goal, to abolish slavery. My intuitive reaction is that a conservative movie site would not recommend either of these movies. But I think Lincoln may be viewed as "woke" by a conservative movie reviewer; and Frost/Nixon sort of humanizes Nixon. So, I am going to say that Lincoln is the woke film.

The Answer

Frost/Nixon (Woke): "As implied by the title, it attempts to further tarnish the reputation of Richard Nixon."

Lincoln (Conservative): "Although overall very positive towards Lincoln and the Republican Party, it nonetheless downplays the role the Democrat Party played in the institution of slavery during the Civil War."

54.3% of readers got this one right.

Again, the end is near! (Z)

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