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This Week in Freudenfreude: The Fun Bureau of Investigation

The FBI gets crapped on a lot, particularly in the last couple of weeks, courtesy of Donald Trump and his fans. And certainly there are some black marks on the Bureau's record, like James Comey's interference in the 2016 election and pretty much everything J. Edgar Hoover did for about three decades. But in general, the folks who work for the FBI are good people who are just trying to make the world a little safer and a little better. Given the beating that particular agency has taken recently, we thought we would share a story that speaks to the good that the Bureau does.

At the center of this particular story is a 10-year-old fellow named Drew Patchin of St. Louis. He is suffering from brain cancer, advanced enough that doctors in his home state were not willing to consider an operation or to otherwise continue treatment.

The family found a pediatric neurosurgeon in Houston who is willing to take on the extremely risky operation, but the chance of a negative outcome—the patient doesn't survive, or the procedure is not successful, or the procedure does irreversible damage—is, unfortunately, much greater than the chance of a positive outcome. And so, Patchin's parents are working double-time to create some happy memories for Drew and his five-year-old brother Tyler before it's time for the surgery.

The St. Louis office of the FBI learned about Drew's prognosis, as well as his interest in pursuing a career in law enforcement, should he get that opportunity. They were also tipped off to the fact that he's a hockey fan, and enjoyed watching the local side win the Stanley Cup a couple of years ago. So, the Bureau contacted Drew and Tyler with a little problem they were having. It would seem that someone stole Lord Stanley's cup, the agents were having trouble fingering the perp, and they could sure use some help cracking the crime.

Consequently, the Patchin brothers were duly sworn in as Special Junior Agents of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and, backed by a S.W.A.T. team, got to work recovering the Cup. You'd have to guess that the dastardly plot was the work of the 'Nades, right? Certainly, that would have been our assumption. For multiple reasons. But, as it turns out, the thief was the Hamburglar (though there are rumors he was born in Toronto, so...). The Cup was saved, and as reward for their work, Drew and Tyler each got a plate of chocolate chip cookies. Not bad for a day's work.

A tip of the hat to the agents in St. Louis who made this happen, and here's hoping that Drew's surgeon is able to perform some magic of his own. Have a good weekend, all. (Z)

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