Dem
47
GOP
53
Here is the question we put before readers last week:
J.B. in Radnor, PA, asks: How does one keep their sanity and avoid becoming depressed from getting so deep into all the demoralizing news in U.S. politics, and the country as a whole?
And here are some more of the answers we got in response:
M.G. in Boulder, CO: Not quite 7 years ago, my doctors told me my best bet was to go to a hospice and "get it over with." Waiting to see what they would try next had become very stressful and had worn me down, so I went. I couldn't stand up without passing out and was confined to a bed in a clean-but-empty room. I'm a reader, so did what I always do—I read. I read first about how we should live. The first book wanted me to be holy. I tried to imagine it and couldn't. I read about how people who practiced various religions lived. Interesting, but no longer very relevant.
I decided to be more intentionally courteous and be more conscious about saying "thank you" and "you're welcome." Within 3 days, I began hearing nurses and aides in the hallway saying "thank you" and "you're welcome" to each other. They sounded quite pleased with themselves and each other—they had found a way to make work more pleasant.
I learned names. One nurse was leaving the room and I hadn't said "thanks," so I called out, "Thank you, D." She retraced her steps, walking backward. "You know my name?" It had made her feel seen and appreciated. Later, when I was temporarily transferred to a hospital, I began to notice that the people working there were coming in to watch me identify people who were returning for the second or third time. When they felt seen as people rather than functions, the hospice and hospital people saw me as a person, too. There were six of them in the room when one said, "Hey, M., do you remember me?" I said, "A! I wondered where you'd gone." Everyone watching looked smug. They were identifying with me.
I wanted a more pleasant situation and had created one. I added affirmation. Instead of just saying "O.K.," I said "That's a good idea" and "I think you are right."
When someone looked tired in the middle of the night, I encouraged them to rest for a minute in a chair in a hidden corner or to stand at the window and look at the moon for 2 minutes. It's not just patients who need care and to feel cared for. It's amazing how little it takes to help someone recharge.
Changing what I could made me feel less helpless and more hopeful. I think that's what most of us are saying. Control what you can. Change what you can. Help however you can. Never stop thinking. Never give up.
S.S.L. in Battle Creek, MI: To the extent I have an answer at all, I:
- Seek to show up for others whenever, however I'm able, especially my single mother/widow neighbor and her wonderful children
- Spend time with kids, or dogs, or gym equipment, or whatever it is that will help keep me present
- Have zero social media, streaming services, etc. I live like it's the 1900s. It is glorious.
S.H. in Duluth, MN: I think the problem of all of the negative news can be handled in two ways, whether it's finding positive things elsewhere in life or finding better ways to handle the negativity. For me, the former largely consisted of finding joyful side hobbies while at college, such as tea making and taking hikes through the woods. It's been about finding the positivity in life—no matter where it might be.
Regarding the latter... one is reminded of the quote that is often attributed to Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going." In this context it means that for each bit of negative news we must counter it with hope and stoicism, and we must trust in the power of tomorrow. November is quickly coming... and with November comes hope.
A.R. in Arlington, VA: When I hear about each new grift, civil rights violation, plans for a gaudy new monument in my county of residence, or any combination thereof, I just throw my hands up in the air and sing a little song called "Hasa Diga Eebowai." If you know it, you know. If you don't, and are anything less than moderately difficult to offend, then please do not click on the link.
A.F. in Minneapolis, MN: Be joyful. Support your neighbors. Celebrate with humor. This is a photo of the May Day Parade, held Sunday, May 3 in South Minneapolis. We are normally able to stand on the sidewalk and watch the parade. This year, there were so many people, we were all fully in yards and no one minded a bit:
Remember, as the sign states: "We all dung beetle when we all dung beetle. — Paul Wellstonefly" (We all do better when we all do better.)
E.S. in Maine, NY: First, I do my share of keyboard warrioring. Re-posting comics, memes, etc. on FB to a small group of friends. Fewer than a dozen ever comment but a number of those who never do, have told me how much my posts help them keep their spirits up.
Second, attending all protests. Always helps to see others to remember we am not alone. I have my signs, which are normally on our driveway, easily removable to carry at protests. Note, not being artistic, and with handwriting like a doctor with Parkinsons, I bought signs I like from eBay:
Third, many people only wake up when something affects them personally. Yes, we would love it if every American was appalled by the threat to democracy, the cruelty, the racism, the misogyny, but we have to meet them where they are. Gas prices hit almost everyone, and of course the big, manly pickups swig gas like Pete Hegseth swigs whiskey on a bender.
We all saw the "I did that" stickers with Joe Biden's picture on gas pumps when the war in Ukraine pushed up gas prices. There are TACO ones but I prefer the "I RAN up you gas prices." They link the Iran war with the gas prices and link to the cause of both. I suggest following a few rules and tactics for this little act of protest. Don't put them up on independent mom-and-pop stations. Just do one or two per stop. The folks working there are not concerned with watching people pump gas, which is mostly automatic and not their job. Hopefully this plants a seed in the minds of those already questioning their support of Trump, or just is the first seed that starts that thought.
No arguing, no confrontations with a MAGA, just planting a seed in hopes it grows. Remember every MAGA vote turned is two votes gained.
A small act of resistance, but it is surprisingly uplifting to do something.
R.M. in Pensacola, FL: The fever has to break at some point.
As I type this, as a human civilization, we know more about economics, math, science, technology, history and everything else imaginable than we ever have. Tomorrow, we will know a bit more. The next day, a bit more, and so on.
The refusal of the Republican Party to acknowledge and deal with facts doesn't make the facts go away. How they were operating largely stayed under the surface until Sarah Palin was pulled out of obscurity to be John McCain's running mate, and as a result, the ignorance and disregard for truth was on full display.
Once that campaign ended, it quickly manifested itself as the Tea Party. Same ignorance of reality, just different people running the show. That then transitioned into MAGA (Tea Party v2.0, as I like to sometimes refer to it). Once Donald Trump exits stage left, I expect Tea Party v3.0 to take its place. I have no idea what it will look like or what will happen, but it probably won't be good.
Given all of that, to answer the question, what the Republican Party is doing is just not sustainable. Knowing that is what keeps me going and optimistic. I don't know how or why or when, but it will blow up in their face. Things may have to get worse, but at some point, sanity and reality will regain control of what happens in the United States.
That is what helps me sleep at night.
B.B. in Dothan, AL: As a licensed psychologist, I discuss this with my patients almost every day. I am also not immune to being deeply affected personally, as my life is devoted to helping people rise above their upbringing and surroundings, and I empathize with all those being negatively affected by this administration.
How can we make sense of it?
There are several political influences, of course—Republican fear and hate-mongering, beginning with Newt Gingrich, now encouraged by right-wing radio and TV, gerrymandering and Democrats' decade long failure to recognize it and act, geographic sorting, etc.
But I take solace in (Z)'s historical analysis of the U.S.—that we oscillate between cycles of deep division and democratic "backsliding" followed by periods of significant reform and expansion. I try to view things in that perspective—I'm old enough to remember at least one worse time—the Vietnam era, with about 2.5 million deaths and 4+ million injured, the inner-city so-called race riots, and it seemed like all the good (leaders) died young. And let's not forget the periods that were much, much worse—the Civil War, lynchings, the rise of the KKK, the Gilded Age (when the U.S. faced extreme wealth inequality and political corruption), and the centuries of Native American massacres.
More importantly, I think of this era as being the last gasp of white racists who fear the coming majority-minority. Nine states have already reached this status: Hawaii, California, New Mexico, Texas, Nevada, Maryland, Georgia, Florida, and New Jersey. Young adults (18-29) are expected to be mostly minority by 2027. Whites will be in the minority in the country as a whole in about 2050, with white seniors (65+) losing their majority sometime after 2060. Of course, lots can change between then and now (so that doesn't mean automatic votes for Democrats), but at least the politicians won't be able to pander to white supremacy.
Other factors are at play, of course, but this population shift will gradually result in state after state becoming majority-minority. In Arizona and Mississippi, minority children outnumber white children. Texas is kind of a wild card, with the Latino vote still up for grabs. So there is that for solace.
What can we do?
I'm reminded of the starfish story. Our brains naturally focus on the world around us—the big picture—instead of the moment. That has its benefits, but that world we hear/read about (e.g., at Electoral-Vote.com) does not literally exist in reality; it's a manufactured story that tries (but fails due to incompleteness) to represent the whole. (Z) has spoken to this several times (paraphrasing): History is what emerges from a series of (disparate) primary and secondary sources.
Said another way, none of us are in the Senate or House—our world consists of the individual people we meet, the actions we take, and the words we speak. We feel helpless and discouraged when this administration rips babies out of their mothers' arms or guns people down in the street. But that's on them, and they have to live with their choices. What is there for us to do (in fact, the only thing we can do) is to make a difference with the people we meet; just like the boy who made a difference for a few starfish.
Also, let's try not to take ourselves too seriously. We are, after all, subject to the same cognitive limitations as the crazy people (start studying cognitive science or behavioral economics and you will quickly realize how bad it is). Actually, that's what this administration wants—for libs to be outraged so that they can own the libs. One of my favorite mental devices is to see the absurdity in life—that is why, for example, comedians are having such a field day with this administration. Don't you think Trump & Co. are a mashup of Gilbert and Sullivan, Hogan's Heroes, Gomer Pyle USMC, and The Three Stooges? I mean, have you ever seen a better example of FUBAR?
Lastly, I wonder if it might be better if things got much, much worse (worser?). I mean, if things got really bad (say, another global financial crisis), that might cause a blue wave. Combined with the current era of dummymandering, that might result in a trifecta. If things got really, really bad, perhaps the Senate could get 60 Democrats and then do a makeover of SCOTUS. Perhaps then we could get meaningful reform.
G.W. in Oxnard, CA: I have several coping mechanisms, but my main go-to is humor. During the 2000 presidential election recount and court challenges, I was very angry at both sides and The Daily Show and other late-night comedy got me through. I take it as a challenge to submit letters to Electoral-Vote.com offering a humorous take on the political news.
This said, it is no laughing matter that the administration is trying to use the justice system for retribution (as authoritarians do in other places). I find comfort in the fact is being done so ineptly and that James Comey will be fine and will probably get a 6- or 7-figure book deal while acting AG Todd Blanche may lose his law license.
E.S. in Providence, RI: I'm retired, so my first rule is that I do not turn on the TV before 4:00 p.m. (sports excepted). I have some hobbies I work on and try to get lost in those instead. I also have a beautiful, young 3-year old grandniece who melts my cold, dead heart every time I see her.
A.H.-S. in Brier, WA: The honest answer is that, while I think I still have my sanity, I have not avoided becoming depressed over the state of the country. Still, I have done some things to minimize the depression:
- I drink more than I should.
- More seriously, I don't follow the news as closely as I used to. Doomscrolling is deadly. I check the news regularly, but there's a lot more skimming that there used to be.
- I recognized early on that everyone in the U.S. needs to have escape route planned out. And so, I have been able to focus time and effort in planning that, with the result that my wife and I now have temporary residency visas in Mexico. We don't live there at this point, but if the need arises, we can head down there and spend up to 4 years waiting things out. It's not perfect, but it's a helluva lot better than having no plan at all.
S.P. in Harrisburg, PA: Remember politics is often a pendulum—if one party goes too far with their agenda, the pendulum swings the other way in the next election.
I.S. (usually) in Durango, CO, (currently) in Korčula, Croatia: I stay grounded by considering the historical perspective. Things seem crazy bad now, but they are not unprecedented; reading Heather Cox Richardson's newsletter reminds us of other times when political violence rose to fever pitch, when corrupt politicians ran the country (or parts of it), when the economy sank and bad feelings rose.
At the moment I am on vacation in Croatia, and it was sobering to learn that Dubrovnik was a major shipping and trading power for centuries—and then suffered damage in an earthquake and was subsequently conquered by the Venetian Republic. We think our founders built a nation that would endure forever, but that's not what usually happens. America's decline is depressing, but it should not surprise; nations rise and fall. I do wish I could jump ahead a few hundred years and read how the future history books describe this era!
R.L.S. in Portland, ME: I am fortunate to spend nearly half of each year on a remote island 12 miles out to sea from mid-coast Maine, where power and Internet outages are commonplace and met with a shrug. Recently, I went out for a long weekend to start the process of opening up after a long winter, and found the WiFi down. It was liberating. I spent 4 fabulous days not following the news, not reading e-mails, and not staring at a computer. Instead, I spent my time getting my garden ready for spring planting, taking long walks in the woods, listening to chamber music and quietly watching the sun set. I only heard about the White House Correspondents Dinner non-event when I got back to 'Murica late on Monday, and learned all I needed to know. I read all the Electoral-Vote.com postings I had missed, and that's about it. Somehow, as far as I know, my brain hadn't rotted in the interim. To the contrary, I felt great. I may well write our Internet provider a brief thank you note, and ask that they consider scheduling these outages on a regular basis, perhaps monthly.
S.W. in New York City, NY: When Donald Trump began his second term, everyone who cared about decency and democracy coiled up, with good reason, in fear and trepidation for the days ahead. I remember the dismay of coming to grips with trying to determine how to survive him and his destruction for four more years.
Somewhere, lost to me now, I read some interesting comments by Black commentator(s) that basically said:
We (Black Americans) have been through this type of treatment before: we lived for generations, decade after decade, under Jim Crow: poor education in schools and pulling our children out of school at young ages to work in the fields for next to no money, poor housing, extreme poverty, poor medical treatment (if at all—folk medicine, at best), no decent jobs, no decent salaries, lynchings of innocent loved ones, no legal/judicial rights, no voting rights and no one to vote for if we had voting rights. Basically, there was no future to look forward to and survival itself was tested daily. Every institution had a barrier to living a quality life and there was little hope that this would ever change. But we survived and we will survive again (in spite of Trump).In the past 18 months, I've often thought of these horrible conditions that Black Americans lived under for decades and decades and I gather strength from their tenacity and their faith in the future, no matter how bleak it looks to us at the moment.
Let's keep the faith, folks.
We are going to stick with this question for one more week. (Z)