Dem
47
GOP
53
Here is the question we put before readers a couple of weeks ago:
D.C. in Portland, OR, asks: Electoral-Vote.com is now 21 years old and thus mature enough for an adult libation. What would its "official" drink be, and why?
And here some of the answers we got in response:
J.B. In Bozeman, MT: Given the number of Star Trek fans that read the site (and Z, of course), I suggest Romulan Ale. It is depicted as irresistibly delicious, although does come with a nasty hangover. But since it is illegal and fictional, then maybe "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot." may be a good substitute. Though Americans aren't big tea drinkers, so maybe Raktajinos, which are a coffee based drink (oh, those are fictional too?).
L.S. in Queens, NY: Romulan ale, if you can get it.
Saurian brandy may be more available.
Avoid any Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.
J.R.A. in St. Petersburg, FL: I think the obvious official drink is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, which has the twin advantages of being a really hoopy drink, and not actually existing, no matter how many ways people have tried to create one. That gold brick is really expensive.
B.R. in Berwyn, PA: If we're talking real drinks, you can't go wrong with a classic:
The Vesper Martini: Strong, sharp, and confidently forward, just like a good political take. First dreamed up by Ian Fleming in 1953's Casino Royale, it was Bond's own creation, named after the double agent Vesper Lynd. After imbibing a few of these, you might start calling it the "voter martini." A secret agent for democracy in a coup(e) glass.
Recipe: 3 oz. gin, 1 oz. vodka, ½ oz. Lillet Blanc (originally Kina Lillet, but sadly no longer made). Shake (never stir) over ice until ice-cold, strain into a martini glass, garnish with a lemon twist, perfect for sipping while imagining the staff dachshunds running ICE sensitivity trainings.
But Electoral-Vote.com surely deserves its own drink, so here are a few suggestions...
The Blue Wave: Big enough to wash every orange off the beach and leave you with a smug g(r)in. Loud, messy, and best enjoyed while yelling "Take that, Fox News!" from your porch at midnight.
Recipe: 1½ oz. gin, 1 oz. blue curaçao, ½ oz. lemon juice, splash of soda for fizz, ½ oz. navy rum floated on top. Shake first four ingredients with ice, strain into a hurricane glass over fresh ice, float rum on top, garnish with a lemon wheel, perfect for the Electoral-Vote.com team to sip while plotting gerrymandered maps on the back of subscriber postcards.
The Pollster's Screwdriver: What you serve to your friend who swore the race was a lock before losing by ten points. Classic orange juice and vodka, but you spill half on the way to the table, miscount the rest, and call it too close to call. Starts strong, finishes in tears, and comes with a free subscription to "Lessons Learned Next Cycle."
Recipe: 2 oz. vodka, 4 oz. orange juice, slice of humble pie (figurative garnish). Build over ice in a tall glass, stir briefly, add a straw for sipping while revising spreadsheets.
The Liberal Lament: Dark, bitter, and best poured right after getting crushed in a Presidential election you swore would be a "blue tsunami." Perfect for frantically Googling at 2:00 a.m. how to return the 2,000 "Harris Rocks" yard signs and "I Heart Dr. Fauci" tote bags you bulk-ordered in a moment of peak optimism.
Recipe: 3 oz. overproof red wine (think port or fortified Spanish), 1 oz. blackcurrant liqueur, 1 oz. rye whiskey, ¼ oz. bitters. Build in a large wine goblet, stir gently, garnish with dark berries and a dramatic sigh, while tweeting "End capitalism" from your latest iPhone.
The Bozo(s) Billionaire's Buyout: Smoky, fiery, and designed for when you finally sell out and let your scrappy blog get acquired by a space-obsessed billionaire who promises editorial freedom right before suggesting a glowing feature on tax loopholes. Mezcal for your burnt principles, overproof rum for scorched-earth hot takes, and crocodile tears from Republicans laughing all the way to the bank.
Recipe: 1 oz. Mezcal, 1 oz. overproof rum, ½ oz. orange bitters, ¼ oz. honey syrup, a few crocodile tears. Shake all but the tears with ice, strain into a coupe, drizzle in crocodile tears, garnish with a tiny gold bar if available, perfect for sipping while lounging on your new yacht, proudly christened Eat the Rich.
J.M. in New York City, NY: I suggest a Cherry Bounce, favorite of George Washington and his family. Because it would be a salute and spiritual summons to the type of steadfast, reserved yet simmering, Cincinnatus-type statesman we need today. Accompanied by a proper toast from General George: "An extra ration of liquor is to be issued to every man tomorrow to drink to Perpetual Peace, Independence, and Happiness to the United States of America."
Possible runners-up: (1) Gimlet, because Electoral-Vote.com consistently fixes current political events "with a gimlet eye"; (2) Hemlock, because it's all too much, and this beverage was good enough for Socrates; (3) Elixir of Ponce de Leon, because Electoral-Vote.com is so essential, we want you to go on forever with youthful verve!
D.C.W. in Fredericksburg, TX : A salty dog.
Simple ingredients, tasty, goes down easy like Electoral-Vote.com. Salty with wit and snark along with the tart analysis. And, of course, named for the staff dachshunds, Otto and Flash. Salud and Woof!
M.M. in San Diego, CA: Let's go with hot mulled wine because it (like Electoral-Vote.com) makes every day like Christmas.
B.C. in Walpole, ME: Official drink of electoral-vote.com? I thought we already had one. We wake up in the morning and read with our breakfast: Wheaties (the "Breakfast of Champions"), and, substituting for the traditional cup of milk, eight ounces of Jack Daniel's (the "Breakfast of Realists"). With what we're about to read, we need something stronger than milk and we're going to need it early in the day.
As with the Morning Martini, there are many popular recipe variations on this breakfast drink: Single Malt and Shredded Wheat, Kentucky Bourbon and Special K, Corn Liquor and Cap'n Crunch, Irish Whiskey and Lucky Charms, Steel Cut Oatmeal and Rye, Muesli and Moonshine, Cheerios and Canadian Club ("Cheerios and Cheerio!"), Scotch and Frosted Mini-Wheats, Scotch and Fruit Loops, Scotch and Trix.
Please, I don't want to get push-back from miffed Weetabix fans. Make your own kind of music/Sing your own kind of song/Even if nobody else sings along.
Joking aside, when you asked for reader suggestions for the official drink of Electoral-Vote.com, the article immediately above comprised reader responses to the question, "Who do you look up to (whether famous or not) as a source of love and hope to help you to keep carrying on? And why?" I have been privileged to know several many-decades-long members of Alcoholics Anonymous. All of them had been to the edge. All of them had faced death to one degree or another. All of them had to do a deeper dive into their own psyche than most of us would have the courage to do (with me at the top of that list). And they became humble, balanced, centered, wise, moral people who are neither self-deluded nor ego-driven.
K.H. in Ypsilanti, MI: Obviously, the official drink of Electoral-Vote.com would be coffee, because that's what most of us are drinking while we read it. Preferably black, though that's my personal choice, and it's definitely adult, because few take it up before age 18, even though some youngsters may embrace lattes, mochas and other sweet drinks that are the Boone's Farm of the coffee works.
J.E. in West Hollywood, CA: If I was a hater, I would say a Dry White Whine. But I like you guys too much even for a good pun. So, instead I would say a hot cup of coffee with sugar: a fresh jolt in the morning, a little bitter at times, but with a sweet aftertaste.
D.H. Forest Park, IL: I don't have a specific name for the celebratory beverage but it would have undoubtedly begun life in 2004 as oats and grain, distilled and started its maturation in an American oak barrel. In 2015, the contents would have been transferred to a British sherry cask to create a smooth and sweet blend.
It would be bold and have tones of early morning black coffee, leather, a subtle smoke with an occasional hint of sweet tobacco. There would be occasional overtones of pepper and incense(d), but always a caramel finish.
P.J.B. in Shawano, WI: Though not found in any formal bartenders' guide, I would say Combat Juice (a.k.a. "whopatui")—lots of ingredients that go into the most delicious final product.
A.G. in Scranton, PA: In 2025?
An entire handle of vodka and/or whiskey.
A mint julep, because we better get used to making those for others.
A roofie coolatta, because we're gonna wake up from this feeling fu**ed.
Otherwise?
Cosmopolitan, just because.
A Mudslide, because it symbolizes being a Democrat quite well.
D.A. in Brooklyn, NY: OK, I don't know what particular drink Electoral-Vote.com would adopt as official, but I know for sure that it would be definitely served neat. No ICE.
(And if you want my personal recommendation, I'd go for a Laphroaig 10-yr Islay single malt Scotch [or something similar from the lowlands]. I made sure I had it handy, that evil night last November.)
T.B. in Duluth, MN: Rye whiskey, straight. To go along with rye comments and straight talk. Also, no ICE.
T.B. in Wiscasset, ME: Well, it should be Moxie!
Of course that's non-alcoholic, but that shouldn't be disqualifying.
G.R. in Carol Stream, IL: An old-fashioned, of course!
We still believe in politics, compromise, and reason!
J.D in Greensboro, NC: This beverage seems appropriate:
E.S. in Clatskanie, OR: I think the official adult beverage for Electoral-Vote.com should be the antivenom to the Orange Kool-Aid being served from the taps of hell.
D.R., Yellow Springs, OH: I propose the Manhattan cocktail as the official Electoral-Vote.com drink. First of all, it's a wonderful beverage that's often consumed by Americans in politics. But also, the site put in enough time making fun of Canadians that it's time to make up for it by choosing a cocktail made with Canadian whisky.
R.P.E.H. in London, England, UK: With all the initials that decorate the page, especially on letters days, surely the official drink has to be an IPA?
A.H. in Newberg, OR: D.C. in Portland will appreciate this, but maybe only a dozen or so of the commentariat will truly understand!
A "HAMMERHEAD IPA" at any McMenamins watering hole.
B.C. in Phoenix, AZ: Lets see, none of you folks are effete snobs, so wine is definitely out. Y'all also don't strike me as dishonest people who would hide their love of spirits with some fruity camouflage; that eliminates vodka. Gin is too cockneyed (or is that "cockeyed"), bourbon is too redneck, and all of the other alcohol drinks are pretty niche. The only thing left is one of the most sublime liquids on the planet...
Beer!
Beer is one of the most important components of social interaction all around the world. You sit down with your friends, have a beer and discuss (or fight about) world affairs, personal issues, sports (at least one of you is a baseball fan, so how do you separate baseball and beer?) and every other subject on the planet. In the Arizona desert especially, one of the most welcoming and comforting building signs is the one that says "ICE COLD BEER!"
Everyone at Electoral-Vote.com is well educated, which means it is highly unlikely they are not familiar with the healthy aspects of... THE 3 MAIN FOOD GROUPS: (1) beer, (2) pizza and (3) everything else edible .
To the lawyer there on staff: "I rest my case! Barkeep, draw another couple cold ones!"
P.D.N. in Bolardman, OH: It should be beer, and probably a craft brew of their own choosing for everyone reading and participating at Electoral-Vote.com. Beer not wine, because wine has a snobby aroma (and is hardly ever that good) whereas beer is the people's drink in all cultures and electoral—takes in all comers and all types. Beer because it is inherently democratic.
Finally, on a personal note, when I was a graduate student in History at San Diego State University, there was a group of us in a stand-out course called US and the Global Cold War. When our beloved professor would say something somewhat controversial, or that would require a long explanation, he'd say let's discuss that over beer. Well, one of our friends worked for a beer distributor and because San Diego is full of micro-breweries, we got together after the semester for what we would call Beer With History. Eight years later we're still going. Some of us got married, or lost their partner to cancer (me), we all got COVID, a few moved or got new jobs, but we're still the history nerds (including some faculty) who get together in person or on FaceTime that made a community supporting and loving each other for the sake of history.
J.E. in San Jose, CA (now, but Cleo's Bar at Caesars Tahoe then): Twenty-five years ago, during my bartending days, I created a libation for Independence Day called a red, white, and blue. It was a layered drink of blue curaçao, white creme de cacao, and Chambord. Layered drinks only work if the heaviest liquor is on the bottom, so this did not meet with much success, but as a name/gimmick it worked well.
M.B. in San Antonio, TX: The cocktail for the site should include the initials of its contributors. I offer to you: The Vodka Zanzibar! (Vodka, dry vermouth, lemon juice, simple syrup, orange bitters.)
D.M. in Santa Rosa, CA: The official drink of Electoral-Vote.com should be room-temperature tap water in a metal dog bowl. The reason is that the staff dachshunds have more influence on the value of the material than the staff mathematician, who is so often drunk that he/she probably likes all drinks equally.
K.H. in Albuquerque, NM: I've always assumed that the staff mathematician would be the one making decisions about any drinking at Electoral-Vote.com. And there has being a long-running relationship between the Votemaster and the Mathematician, so I assume he or she is Dutch or possibly a faculty member at Vrije Universiteit. That leads one to conclude that the official libation would be a Kopstootje, considered the national drink of the Netherlands. As someone who very much enjoys the more commonly available varieties of "Dutch courage" here in the States, I look forward to tracking down a bottle of genever at my local import store and enjoying an authentic "little head-butt."
J.E. in Whidbey Island, WA: The official Electoral-Vote.com drink should be whatever the staff mathematician is having.
Here is the question for next week:
S.B. in Winslow, ME, asks: What one aspect about humanity, if changed, would bring the greatest benefit to society and the natural world as a whole?
Submit your answers to comments@electoral-vote.com, preferably with subject line "The Better Angels"!